So I sent my submission in for the Roogle Wood Press contest. I was going to wait until the twentieth, I was going to let all my feedback trickle in and then send it. I instead fixed the edits I had gotten and read it out loud to myself chopped it down to size and with a quick prayer sent it off.
I felt confident, like maybe I had done enough. I had worked on this story for seven months, I had developed this grungy circus that is part of a dark fae world. The characters had all shown their motivations, weaknesses, and strengths.
More feedback trickled in the next day, some readers thought the romance was a bit sudden. I didn't get any major criticisms, all of the edits were things that I had already fixed thanks to the lovely Alexa who has been going over my story with a fine toothed comb.
I started doubting myself.
I'm still doubting myself. Maybe I should have rewritten certain parts, maybe I shouldn't have ended with a kiss. That was something I agonized over, it's cliche, it's cheesy, it's everything I hate. I went with my gut, with what the characters would do. Also, I am the last person who should be writing a kissing scene. Cringing just thinking about it.
I hope I did enough. I hope my love for this story and characters comes across on the page. I don't want it to be flat and cliched.
As I was reading it back to myself, certain parts hit me hard. The parts that I inadvertently took from my own life. Those parts feel raw and real to me. It's scary to let people read it, and judge it. I had amazing beta readers by the way, they were so supportive and helped shaped this story.
I'm just a tea and anxiety fueled bean right now. So sorry for this mess of a blog post.
On a completely unrelated note I saw The Last Jedi!!!!!
I will post a review, but I freaking loved it.
Did I become complete Kylo Ren trash. Possibly...