So I might be a little uptight. I am anxiously awaiting my edits from Rooglewood Press, I am both excited and scared. I reread my story, well skimmed it. I can't seem to see past the flaws, so I'm happy I will be getting professional editing help with it.
I also found out that I'm allowed to continue using my characters and world in other stories. I had already started a sequel for it, Fool's Bet. So I got this great idea to try and finish the first draft before 'Falling Snow' is published, so I can release it shortly after it.
After doing the math, I decided that 500 words a day would suffice. I know, 500 words is nothing to most of you. I am, however, an inconsistent writer, or maybe I should say a very particular one. I overthink every line to death, erase, and rewrite as I go along. My first drafts are more like most people's second drafts.
I'm a perfectionist, so nine days of five hundred words has worn me out. I also can't read anything I've written, because it's awful. I'm not even being modest.
I'm going to share the parts I like, which is maybe five sentences.
As my teeth pierced my gums, the sharp tang of fresh blood hit my tongue. This was the last time he would make me bleed.- Cynfael
Cigarette smoke added to the mix, every dwarf seemed to have one dangling from their mouth. For a moment I could pretend nothing had changed. It was just another night. Snow would be practicing on the high wire, and I would watch her dance across it. Thinking things I had no business to.-Chayse
He was a razor blade, sharp and alluring. To touch him was to accept the risk of getting cut. I was already bleeding.-Snow
So I've been writing. Which is a good thing I guess, but I've seemed to forgotten how. I think it's insecurity. After this contest was over, people started saying how they couldn't wait to read my story which was and is amazing. It's everything I've always wanted! I'm incredibly grateful, you have no idea.
But, there is this small voice telling me that maybe I don't deserve it. My story isn't good enough. I know it's stupid, but it doesn't stop me from thinking it. It's showing in my writing, I'm starting to doubt myself. No one gets it, they expect me to be over the moon. Which I am!
Self doubt is a hard beast to fight.
That basically catches you up. I've been doing a lot of praying and work lately. I always used to be hesitant to call my writing and art work, but it is. It's mentally draining and I wish more people realized that.
I promise to have a more coherent and interesting post next week.